dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
