so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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