My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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