I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
