so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
