Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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