I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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