It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
