the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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