I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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