I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
