Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
