If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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