At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
