Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
