she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
