how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
