Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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