So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
