it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
