first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
