Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
