im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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