it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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