2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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