i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
