I'm so fucking centered right now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
