you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize