We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
