everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
