so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize