walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
