i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
