There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
