I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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