Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
