yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
