And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
