i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
