20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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