wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
