sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
