i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
home. puking in laundry basket.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
