best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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