if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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