you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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