One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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