I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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