I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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