woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
