So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
