He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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