I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When are your genitals available?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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