am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
