Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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