getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
