pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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