What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
