would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
