how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
