I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
