What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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