I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
