I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
