Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We have started to decorate penises.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
