how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
