You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
