I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
