i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Boobs are out for the taking
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
