Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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