I didn't shave. On purpose
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
