I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
